How Did I Ever Exist Without Her?
by LightOfMyLife
Summary: Twilight from Edwards Point of View. Basically the same storyline as twilight but showing Edward's emotions and opens up his side of the story.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: this is my first fanfic. Thought I'd give it a go. R&R please!!

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters or any of the Twilight series. All of these characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**Light of My Life**

"Edward? Edward? Hello? Edward?" Alice's voice pulled me out of my daydream.

"Oh. Um, sorry. What?" I replied.

_Edward, what's gotten into you? All this over the new girl? I haven't seen you like this since…well, I haven't seen you like this at all!_

Alice knew something was wrong, otherwise she would have spoken out loud. I made a minor twitch in my head, motioning for her to follow me outside. I swiftly ran out the door, and Alice followed. I kept going until I was sure that we were out of earshot of the rest of our family.

"Ok, so what's going on?" She asked me, the slightest hint of impatience to her voice. What could I tell her? Surely she knows what I am going to do – shouldn't _I_ be the one asking the questions?

Alice guessed my thoughts, "Listen Edward, you keep changing your mind. All I see is flashes of Bella's dead body, then I see her as a vampire, and then I see you moving to Alaska – I can't keep up with it all!"

"Ok ok ok. I understand. But Alice, you have to help me. You have no idea what kinds of emotions I was feeling today. She just smelt so…_good._ What _can_ I do? I hate her Alice, she made me come so close to ruining everything Carlisle has worked so hard for. She almost made me ruin our secret! How could she?" I needed to get everything out. Poor Alice, I never meant for all of this to involve her so completely, but I needed to vent.

"Did you ever consider, well…" Alice trailed off mid-sentence.

"What Alice?" I questioned.

_Don't worry. It's stupid. I shouldn't have said anything._ Alice thought. She wouldn't even speak to me now.

"Alice…" What could be so stupid, she wouldn't tell me?

"Nothing Edward," I glowered at her, "Fine, I was just thinking, could it be, well…love?" If Alice still had blood flowing through her veins, her face would have flushed a bright pink colour. I could tell she was embarrassed.

"How could I love that…that _thing,_ Alice? Have you been hearing me? She could have completely ruined us!"

"I know Edward, I know. It's just that…you were confused. You said that you _thought_ you hated her. You haven't experienced love before. It all adds up," Her voice was growing quieter and quieter, _I_ was having trouble hearing it, let alone humans.

"Alice…" What else could I say? I clearly was not in love with…Bella – I forced myself to use her name – and Alice couldn't help me if she thought I did… I ran back home.

A/N: I know it's short but I thought I should wait for what you guys thought of it before I continued. Reviews would be greatly appreciated!! 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Ok, I finally got my Microsoft Word thingo to work! YAY! Now I can keep writing. Firstly though, thanks to everyone who reviewed and added my story to their favourites. I really wasn't expecting that! Special thanks to Brinny =)

_Why is Mike so obsessed with her? Look at me! GAH! Mike!_

I felt stupid stooping to the lowness of Jessica's mind. So self absorbed! But this Isabella Swan, she has some kind of mind block of her thoughts. No matter how hard I try, I cannot break through. This kind of thing has never happened before, it can surely not be my fault; I can still hear anyone else's mind, just not hers. How annoying this new girl was! To break into our lives, come so close to ruining our entire secret and for her to now stop me from reaching her thoughts without even lifting a finger! That afternoon, I promised myself, I would talk to Carlisle.

…………….

"Edward, I don't seem to understand fully what you are trying to explain," Carlisle said, in his ever so calm voice.

"I can't read her mind! I can't understand her actions! Plus I can't even sit next to her, she smells that good!" I practically screamed at him. "It's not like I can talk to Alice either, she thinks I'm in love!" I added, with a disgusted look on my face.

"That may well be a very good explanation Edward," He replied sheepishly.

"Carlisle! I asked you about all of this because you're normally the one who knows what's going on. But right now, you're as bad as Alice! I can't talk to anyone now if I can't talk to you!" I ran as fast as I could, not even letting him answer.

I ran and ran and ran. I needed my own time to think. What's going on with my family? I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore and it's all because of that girl. That retched girl who has turned my whole world upside down.

I stopped running when I found myself at a small, flowing creek. I didn't even know if I was still in America. I stared at my reflection and saw my lifeless face looking back up at me. Would I, _could_ I, honestly kill this pathetically innocent girl? I couldn't do that to Carlisle. But could I stop myself if I got too close? I realised then that I wasn't nearly as controlled as I thought. I promised myself not to get too close.

I kept staring and I eventually realised the dark colour of my eyes. I needed to take as many precautions as possible if I was going to keep Bella alive.

By the time I got home it was dark. I called the family to a meeting around the table. I went through the entire story with everybody, answering any questions they asked and repeating any parts they misunderstood. I told them I was to have a hunting trip and Emmett decided to join me. By eleven thirty, we had left.

We reached the usual hunting place in no time at all. Emmett went off to find some Grizzlies to irritate which left me with more time to myself. I just couldn't get Isabella out of my head. But why? How was she so different from everyone else? She didn't look any different, or sound any different, so why was I so _infatuated_? The fact that I could not delve into her mind was enthralling but there was something else. She was _mysterious_.

"Hey bro!" Emmett called out, "Come check this out!"

"Coming," I said and followed his scent till I found him standing over a tower of bears.

"New record – twelve at once!" Emmett was full of pride. His previous record of defeating eight grizzly bears at the same time was beaten by Rosalie just last month. Em wasn't happy. Today was the first time he had actually tried again since it happened so you could see why he was happy. Annoyed me immensely for the past few weeks though, all he thought about was beating Rose, beating Rose, and beating Rose. He doesn't have a deep mind.

"Wanna help me finish them off Ed?" Emmett asked, still glowing with Pride. So I ran to the pile and started feeding.

"Emmett? Have you noticed anything…unusual about that new girl, Isabella Swan?" I asked when we had both finished.

"Ummm…she has really pale skin?" He guessed.

"No, I meant like, different. There's something about her. She looks to me like a sitting duck…" I told him, once again, deep in thought.

"I don't think I get you," Emmett looked puzzled.

"I'm constantly worried about her, and it's not only because she smells so mouth wateringly good that I might not be able to help myself, but she seems to get herself into lots of dangerous situations. Like right now, I'm wondering if she is ok, I don't want her to get hurt…" it was more like I was trying to tell this to myself rather than explain it to Emmett. I had never realised it until now, but I _was_ worried about her. She's clumsy and I feel like I have to protect her.

"Listen Edward, I'm still not sure if I completely understand, but it's not exactly normal for a vampire to be so interested in a human like this, it's normally the other way around, you know, like the human is entranced by the beauty of the mysterious creature and then BAM! The predator attacks. But you and this new girl, that's something different, something strange. Have you spoken to Carlisle?" This was a deep conversation, for Emmett at least.

"He's with Alice, but I don't love her! I can't! if anything I hate her! What is going on?" I was more frustrated than ever before.

"Calm down, Carlisle is smart, he wouldn't suggest something if it wasn't reasonable," This made sense. Emmett was right. Was Carlisle right?

"Lets go home," I said and once again, I started running, and once again, I was thinking about her.


End file.
